The Gourmand’s Lament

So much food,
So little time,
And I’m not getting younger.
So I chewed
Some food sublime
To satisfy my hunger:

sweet potato carrots vichy
crispy sweetbreads cervelles squishy
eggs in aspic chocolate mousse
foie gras stuffing pfeffernusse
osso buco bagels blini
turnips turkey tetrazzini
goulash goobers escargots
tzimmes hummus haricots
moo goo gai pan jambalaya
ratatouille spam papaya
suckling pig with maple glaze
duckling cold with mayonnaise
rocky road rum chunky monkey
legs of toad some fast food junky
salmon sardines snapper sole
swordfish as a capper (whole)
kugel kreplachs kasha knishes
sent by Sadie mit best vishes
fricadelles two fricassees
chanterelles three BLT’s
chicken livers—chopped—with matzo
lots ’o corn well-popped—or not so
pumpkin pecan pizza pie
ti martoonies extra dry
mascarpone mozzarella
baby oysters rockefella
lean cuisine’s beef stroganoff
stouffer’s noodles romanoff
shabu shabu sukiyaki
served with good not schlocky sake
quesadillas quiche lorraine
naan tortillas beef lo mein
scallopine milanese
pasta pesto genovese
chops chalupa brown bread borscht
schnapps my Uncle Ed endorscht
wienerschnitzel enchilada
empanada…yada yada

So much food,
So little time,
The thought keeps on repeating.
Nights I’ve stewed
On food sublime:
Life needs a second seating.

—From Eggs Benedict Arnold, work in progress
—Originally published in Gastronomica: The Journal of Food and Culture
—Also published at
—Excerpt anthologized in More Women’s Wicked Wit.